I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
