i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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