Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
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no you cant smoke seaweed
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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