when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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