I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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