I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You ruined the universe
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
