Kareoke will never be a sober sport
this boner is exhausting
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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