if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
