If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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