You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
