i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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