I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
