can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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