she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
