they said they heard you say put it in my butt
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
