i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
