Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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