i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
