you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
