i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
