I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
