Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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