I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
