im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
We got so high we made milksteak
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
