So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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