he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
