We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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