I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
