dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
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just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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