too bad you live with your parents still
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
