I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
