hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
