I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize