I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Randomize
