Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
