The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
