Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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