hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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