My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize