I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
