My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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