What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
i think my cat just said my name.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
