brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
