im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
