I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
