No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
