I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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