Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
