You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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