whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
