i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
