Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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