pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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