who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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