dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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