Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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