By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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