Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
