i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
