i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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