i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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