Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
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