He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
People in love make me want to vomit
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
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note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
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I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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